Celebrating without the Guest of Honor

Happy Birthday to You!



 

We cannot believe that our little one is already ONE! Time is already flying by. Yes, it is sad that we are apart from her on her very special day, but the sweet part is, is that each update we get shows her smiling and happy. What more could we ask for?! We had the opportunity to celebrate here with our friends and family and rejoice in her life together. The boys would not let such a special occasion pass without a big party!

Dol (돌)

We had a traditional Korean Dol party (like she will be having in S. Korea with her foster family). Dol (doljanchi) is celebrated for the first birthday of a child.

The first part of the dol celebration is prayer. Traditionally, Koreans would pray to two of the many Korean gods; however, as you can imagine, we believe Yahweh is the One true God, so of course John Mark started our Dol with a prayer to God thanking Him for our daughter's life and celebrating that she is going to be a part of our forever family.

Koreans would prepare the praying table with specific foods: a bowl of steamed rice (check), seaweed soup (miyeok-guk) and a bowl of pure water (we left these out). Layered red bean rice cakes (samshin siru) were placed next to the prayer table. The rice cakes were not shared outside the family. (We had pancakes and we shared them with all!)

Before the main part of the celebration, the baby is dressed in very colorful, ornate clothing called dol-bok. The dol-bok that the child wears differs according to the child’s sex. On our daughter's birthday, the agency and her foster family will dress her in one of these and perform the ceremony. I hear that we also get to keep this when we go to visit her.

The Toljabee is the main celebration of Dol. A large table is prepared with over a dozen different types of rice cakes or ddeok (the main food). Some types of ddeok are paekseolgi (white steamed rice cakes), susu-kyongdan (rice cakes coated with rough red bean powder), mujigae-ddeok (rainbow-colored steamed rice cakes) and gyep'i-ddeok (puffed-air rice cakes). Along with the deeok, fruit is also served; the fruit on the table varies, depending on the season. We had omurice, fried rice, steamed rice, and rice balls along with fruit salad and an assortment of colorful whole fruits on the table. We also had samplings of Kim Chi from a local restaurant and other "breakfast foods" for our brunch celebration.



Food is not the only thing on the table, however; there are items placed on the table as well that symbolize different things. I think what these are varies from region to region as well, because I have read different things. After the table is set, the parents sit the baby on a traditional Korean mattress (bolou) and Korean cushions (bangsuk). This is done so that relatives can get better pictures of the infant. There is also a traditional screen in the background.



Training chop sticks

The toljiabee then begins. The baby picks up various items on the table that attracts him or her. The items that the child picks up are said to predict the child’s future. During our Dol party, we had everyone guess what she was going to pick up. We are waiting for the results to come in from South Korea so that we can see if we were right. We had our guests choose a pencil (for intelligence/arts), money (success), thread (longevity), and a ball (athletics). The overwhelming vote was a pencil.

So... where are we in the process right now?

We are waiting... Our 1-600 paperwork was sent from the US to S. Korea on 10/6/2017. This means it may be there waiting for approval (which can take a couple of months). After approval for our exit permit, we can be submitted for a court date. Each step takes us a little closer. For now, we have to look into re-doing our fingerprints (since our identity keeps changing ;-P ). So, another trip to USCIS in Louisville for us.

Upon our last update, our daughter was crawling. She received our puzzle and gifts that we sent. She is teething like crazy. She can say mommy to her foster mom and big sister. Overall, she is growing and always has a huge smile on her face. We received an update from 10/31/17 with some sweet pictures as well.

Keep praying for our little girl and for our family. Adoption is tough stuff and we are preparing our hearts and minds for anything to come. We are currently reading The Connected Child. We would recommend this read for any family (adoptive or not) and any family members who will be helping raise the child. There are so many valuable things to consider, so pray for us that the Lord will guide our actions and guard our hearts in the days to come as we grow and love our little girl while still investing and loving our boys.

"Happy 1st Birthday!"

Exit Permit Here We Come!

Over the past couple weeks, there has been a lot of movement by our standards in regards to Abbi Grace's paperwork progressing, and a lot of reassurance that she is doing well and growing strong.

September



We had another family volunteer to take a care package over to S. Korea when they go for their court date in October. We got together a few more things and sent them to Connecticut! They should be there in about 3 weeks and will be able to deliver it to SWS to give to her foster mom.

 

Thursday, 9/14

 

Last Thursday marked Abbi Grace's 10-month birthday! I was a little sad that day knowing that another month had passed that I missed, but I quickly tried to remind myself that God's timing is perfect in all of this.

 

Saturday, 9/16

 

I went to the mailbox and had an envelop with a CD in it from AIAA (our adoption agency). I immediately started crying because I knew what it was... pictures AND videos! Honestly, we did not expect anything until her birthday in November, so the joy of the surprise was overwhelming! I wish I could just show everyone her beautiful face, but the important thing is that she is growing and she seems content. She smiles, responds, and laughs and really just wanted to chew on everything (we could see those two bottom teeth had come in). The videos showed her opening our previous care package. They were telling her about "Oppa" (Daddy) and her brothers. Her foster mom and the social worker also attempted to call her "Abbi Grace Harang" instead of "Harang" (her Korean name).  We have not been able to take our eyes off of those pictures all week.

 

Wednesday, 9/20

 

I got another e-mail that we can submit our I-600 paperwork. This is our petition for our exit permit! AIAA sent the paperwork FedEx and it arrived in the mail on Friday. This is a huge step in the right direction, and a lot faster than we expected. We now need to get to it and get these papers filled out to get back in the mail ASAP!

 

Thursday, 9/21

 

Mom and I went to Pigtails and Cowlicks. What turned into "let's just see what they have in case she comes home in early spring" turned into an excited Mamaw buying a lot of little girls clothes that I don't even know if they will fit when she comes home. Regardless of whether they end up on Abbi or a friend's little girl, it was very exciting (and overwhelming) to pick out some things for our little girl. Unfortunately, I have learned a lesson already... Girls clothes cannot just be thrown in with everything else. These ruffles and sparkles require a certain care... sigh.

 



 Today

 

I am looking forward to sending some more things to Abbi Grace to try to get her familiar with us. I plan on sending a package for her birthday and Christmas as well. That's all I can really do. I bought this bear and had a little T-shirt made with John Mark and I's picture on the front for her next package. John Mark thinks it's a little too much... haha! I think I am going to do everything I can to get our daughter familiar with our faces so that when we show up some day she thinks... Oh, there are those crazy people I have been looking at for months!

 

 

Next

 

Next, we wait again. We get this paperwork in the mail and we wait for EP Approval (Exit Permit Approval). This is a huge step. Once this is achieved, we will get submitted for court and be assigned a court date. We are still months and months away, but we want to keep everyone updated and in the loop!

 

Keep Praying! 

Sending Our Love

As we wait, we are continuing to think of our daughter and pray that she knows we love her. We are praying that she recognizes us when we come and that she transitions easily when the time comes. We pray for her health and growth and that she is enjoying time with foster parents. We pray that our boys are prepared for the wait and the arrival of their sister. We pray for patience...

We were able to send Abbi Grace her care package, which we alluded to in the previous post. We worked hard to get everything together so that she would realize who we are and hear our voices. We hope the DVD we made never makes its way into the public eye, as I am sure foster mom is dying laughing at the ridiculous dancing and singing. We also gave her a tour of the house, and the boys taught her ABCs and the planets (of course). 

Then, we found another SWS family who is heading to S. Korea in 3 weeks for their custody trip and they are willing to take a package for her. After polling a few families of things they sent, this is what we came up with: outfit, puffs, toothbrush and toothpaste, chocolate for foster mom, bunny blanket, and puzzle with our photos. I am not really sure how many hours we spent picking out her outfit, but it was difficult... climate, growth, functional? Anyway, we finally came to a decision!

We are sending her our love and thinking of her daily. 

It's a Girl!

소녀 야.

On July 14, we received the call that we have been waiting for. I looked at my phone at lunch time and saw a couple of missed calls from our social worker. I knew that this was it. As soon as I got a chance, John Mark and I called her back and immediately discovered that… It’s a girl!

 

Stephanie, our social worker, told us about her, her birth family, and many, many more details. She said she would send us a picture. We could not wait to see her. Finally, the text came across and we got to see her beautiful face.* She had beautiful black hair, sweet deep eyes, lots of baby rolls, and topped with a pink bow. Instantly, we were filled with joyful tears and excitement. This is our baby girl that we have been waiting for all these years.

That day we sent all of our referral paperwork via email to our International Adoption Specialist in Lexington who reviewed everything and called us Saturday morning at 8am. We were excited to hear about the news of her health and growth that she has experienced since her birth.

Immediately, we accepted the referral and awaited our paperwork in the mail.

On Tuesday, we received the paperwork and reviewed everything late into the night. There were three videos and a stack of pictures that were taken the same day at the referral pictures. Tucked away in that stack was one photo of her swaddled in a blanket. I’m not sure how old she is in the picture, but I believe that this is her only baby picture that we will have. We were able to read about her, her birthmother, and even some information about her birthfather. Here birthmother gave her the name “Harang,” which means: in hopes of living as a wonderful person in a harmonious world.  The descriptions of her birth parents and birth story are ones that we want to save and share for her. Many people ask, but we do not feel it is appropriate to share her story for her. We are just so happy to have the information to share with her when the time and age is appropriate.

 

The next day, we ran around and got all of our finances in order (from Lifesong/PVCC, Both Hands, and our personal savings), notarized what seemed like 20-30 documents, and finalize her new name! John Mark and I finally decided on Abigail Grace Harang Tyler, and we got everything back in the mail by 4pm to overnight it to our adoption agency in Michigan. It was such a relief to drop this in the mail.

 

Now, everything has been sent to Korea. We are officially awaiting confirmation of our ATK (Acceptance to Korea) date. This sets everything in motion for us to get going on her EP (Emigration Permit). This will take the bulk of the time as we await bringing her home. When that is complete, we will get a court date to go over to Korea. We will get to meet her and visit with her, but we then have to leave without her. In a month or so following, we get to go back to Korea for custody. All in all, this process will probably take another 7-9 months.

This week we have been getting photos together, working on composing a DVD intro video for her to watch, and trying to decide the most impactful we can have on her through our little care package, which can include: one blank USB drive (for the foster parents to put pictures on), one recordable book, one DVD, a letter to the foster family, and some laminated photos of our family. Our DVD consists of about 25 minutes of our family running around our house and singing & dancing. The boys had a great time creating it for her.

Daily we are realizing that this is real. The boys are already struggling with the fact that she is there and not here, and it does not help that they have no concept of time. As we have said, there is purpose behind every delay. She was knit together in her birthmother’s womb and chosen to be in our forever family here in Kentucky. We are all (especially her brothers) beyond excited about the future. So… the waiting continues for our sweet Abbi Grace, and life prayerfully continues in the Tyler household.

 

*We cannot share any photos of our sweet little girl on this blog at this time, but if you see me around I’d be happy to show you!

Both Hands - Bringing the Community Together

On April 29, 2017, we had the tremendous opportunity to assist Mrs. Sandy at her house for our Both Hands project. This project allowed us to gather a team of people to help us gain sponsorship for a community service project for a widow to help raise money for our adoption.  We gathered a team of friends and family who wrote letters to their friends and family asking them to sponsor them for the day. The money that was received went straight to our adoption fund. Then, we worked tirelessly with sponsors and donors to try to get supplies and labor donated for the day to make a difference in our widow’s home and life.

www.bothhands.org/project/tyler-281

600 for Sponsorship

We got connected with Mrs. Sandy through another adoptive mom in the community, Casey Hamilton. Casey thought of Mrs. Sandy because she lived next door to her grandparents growing up. We met with Mrs. Sandy and realized immediately that this was the perfect match. We came up with a list of things that she would want accomplished on the outside of her home and began going to work finding the right people. God truly brought the right people in our path at the right time in order to get this done.

Mrs. Sandy

That day, rain and thunderstorms were in the forecast. We prayed as we watched the storm pass north of Owensboro leaving us with a nice, hot day to get all of the work accomplished. Starting at 6:30am that morning and ending around 4:30pm, we were able to get it all accomplished.

Time	Event	 Person in Charge
FRIDAY
PM	Delivery of Port-a-potty	Jeremy
	Delivery of Dumpster	Adam
	Delivery of Bushes and Rock	Tommy/Jonathan
SATURDAY
On-going	Check-in at Table	Des
6:30am	Set up Before pictures Morning Prayer	Tyler Family
7:00am	Break ground on front landscaping	Tommy/Jonathan Dowdy Family Ken Nathan
7:30am	Interview & Pictures	Tyler Family
	Great Harvest Pick Up (THIS MEANS COFFEE!!!!)	Denise
8:00am	Additional workers for front landscaping	Dave/Aiden
	Noles Maintenance Arrives to begin deck work	Seth
	Gable and front window boxes (Whenever it works for you)	Paul
	Ongoing clean up of back yard (picking up gum balls, raking, weeding, mowing, weed-eating)	Everyone
9:00am-9:30am	Video Interviews of: -Tommy/Jonathan -Paul/Des -Seth -Adam Why participate? What does this mean to you?	Kristin
10:00am	Tyler Boys to Soccer & Naps	Ken/Martha
11:15am	Fetta Pick Up	Nathan
11:30am	LUNCH TIME	Everyone
	Team Pictures & Video Other Pictures: Sandy & Tylers Sandy, Tylers, & Elli/Casey Sandy, Elli & Casey Mark, Tylers Roberts, Tylers	Everyone
12:00pm	Ohio Valley Roofing begins Gutters	Adam
End of the Day	Clean Up	Bethan
	Interview with Sandy	Kristin or Shelly

 



Before Picture

 
 Prior to the day of the event, the Messenger Inquirer interviewed John Mark, Sandy, Casey, and I regarding our relationship to adoption and each other. We hoped that people would read it and be spurred towards looking into the Both Hands project to help them during their adoption process. We also learned a lot about Sandy and vice versa during the interview.

 
Mrs. Sandy was extremely excited about the success of the project. Her favorite thing was that she could now see out of her front window. She had not been able to look out of the front of her house in many, many years.

Here you can see the video of the full project: http://vimeo.com/215458289

 

After Picture

WE ARE SO THANKFUL TO EVERYONE THAT PARTICIPATED!

Our families and friends: Ken & Martha Roberts, Mark & Amanda Tyler, Hannah & Canaan Farris, David, Jodi, Aiden, & Lilyanna Roberts, Kristin & Nathan Paine, Ryan Bays & Family, Paul & Des Goetz, Morgan Kenner, Lisa Benton, Stacy Hamilton, Rachel Lewis, April & Derrick Stacener, Annette Lance, Brandon Swanner & Family, Connie Hardison, Jeremy Hatfield, Casey Hamilton, Elli York, Sean Bagbey, Shannon Royal, Adam Patterson, Denise Preece, the Dowdy Family, Brittany Stallings.

Integrity Nursery & Outdoor Living

GreenBull Landscaping

Noles Maintenance Services, LLC

Fetta Specialty Pizza

Great Harvest Bread Company

Sherwin-Williams

The Home Depot

Pleasant Valley Community Church

Chik-fil-A

Ohio Valley Roofing & Construction

Emily Kate Massage

 

 Furthermore, a couple weeks later, Ohio Valley Roofing Company with Adam Patterson gave her a brand new roof for free. You can see the work here on WBKR’s website.

http://wbkr.com/both-hands-project-helping-a-family-and-a-widow-in-need-video/

Through this project, we were able to make a tremendous impact on our community through spreading the awareness of adoption and helping someone in need. Together, we really can make things possible. Through this project, we raised $15,400 for our adoption and received a matching grant from our church, Pleasant Valley Community Church, for some additional funds. It is amazing how God has provided for us during this entire journey financially as He said He would. We hope that people will see that adoption is possible from a financial perspective and will inspire others to do the same.

The Waiting...

"Moments of great calm,

Kneeling before an altar

Of wood in a stone church

In summer, waiting for the God

to speak; the air a staircase

For silence; the sun's light

Ringing me, as though I acted

A great role. And the audiences

Still; all that close throng

Of spirits waiting, as I,

For the message.

Prompt me, God;

But not yet. When I speak,

Though it be you who speak

Through me, something is lost.

The meaning is in the waiting."

-R.S. Thomas

I always find myself in a moment of waiting. I am anticipating the next thing, working towards the next goal, looking forward to the next event. Possibly this could be part of my personality, being a goal-driven individual at times; however, I believe God has continually put me in positions of waiting so that I can learn how to wait on Him and not rely on my own doings.

We began the adoption process almost two years ago, but even anticipated this plan for adoption for years prior.
We have had our adoptive child's room ready for a year now (because of the home study process). My children are ready and prepared to have another member of the family.
And now... finally, we are getting closer and closer to reaching that place where we will see our child's sweet face and learn WHO we have been waiting for.
Tick... tock...

We know that our child may be born and that time is ticking away. However, we wait and rest in a stillness (not a frenzied anticipation), knowing that our God is in control and sovereign over everything. His timing is perfect in every circumstance as He orchestrates a beautiful plan before us. We are called to be obedient and to trust in this; never fully understanding the brokenness of this path or the world around us. Time and time again, the Lord told people they had to wait... Mary, Abraham, Moses, Joseph, Noah, the disciples, the prophets... they had to wait years to see things come to pass. They had to hang in the balances not knowing what fully lied ahead. However, they trusted in seeing God's plan unfold and may have waited a lifetime (or on into Heaven) to see why everything occurred the way that it did and why God chose them to wait. But oh, what Glory to finally see some day... why this person was chosen for our family, why we were called to adopt from South Korea, and why we needed to wait on Him this very short time.

So now, we wait expectantly.
                           Expectant to see what our lives hold for years to come and who will be a very special part of our family.

But yet, we wait presently. 
                           We sink deep into Him, allowing Him to teach us a few more things here and there about this great miracle and preparing our hearts in so many ways (that we didn't even know we needed).

Always, we wait eternally.
                            Following this extremely long period of nesting, when our child is finally here, I will continue to wait on God year after year, until my children are grown and I am gray, learning as I go until the fulfillment of all of this present life's waiting comes to pass.

Be still.

"Sometimes the really profound moments of our lives occur 'in between' at that moment just before something happens: truth lurks in the moment between... the paradox is sometimes the fulfillment of that for which we wait robs us of what we were waiting for and that we discover to our surprise that the meaning is in the waiting and not in the fulfillment."

 - The Meaning is in the Waiting