"Moments of great calm,
Kneeling before an altar
Of wood in a stone church
In summer, waiting for the God
to speak; the air a staircase
For silence; the sun's light
Ringing me, as though I acted
A great role. And the audiences
Still; all that close throng
Of spirits waiting, as I,
For the message.
Prompt me, God;
But not yet. When I speak,
Though it be you who speak
Through me, something is lost.
The meaning is in the waiting."
-R.S. Thomas
I always find myself in a moment of waiting. I am anticipating the next thing, working towards the next goal, looking forward to the next event. Possibly this could be part of my personality, being a goal-driven individual at times; however, I believe God has continually put me in positions of waiting so that I can learn how to wait on Him and not rely on my own doings.
We began the adoption process almost two years ago, but even anticipated this plan for adoption for years prior.
We have had our adoptive child's room ready for a year now (because of the home study process). My children are ready and prepared to have another member of the family.
And now... finally, we are getting closer and closer to reaching that place where we will see our child's sweet face and learn WHO we have been waiting for.
Tick... tock...
We know that our child may be born and that time is ticking away. However, we wait and rest in a stillness (not a frenzied anticipation), knowing that our God is in control and sovereign over everything. His timing is perfect in every circumstance as He orchestrates a beautiful plan before us. We are called to be obedient and to trust in this; never fully understanding the brokenness of this path or the world around us. Time and time again, the Lord told people they had to wait... Mary, Abraham, Moses, Joseph, Noah, the disciples, the prophets... they had to wait years to see things come to pass. They had to hang in the balances not knowing what fully lied ahead. However, they trusted in seeing God's plan unfold and may have waited a lifetime (or on into Heaven) to see why everything occurred the way that it did and why God chose them to wait. But oh, what Glory to finally see some day... why this person was chosen for our family, why we were called to adopt from South Korea, and why we needed to wait on Him this very short time.
So now, we wait expectantly.
Expectant to see what our lives hold for years to come and who will be a very special part of our family.
But yet, we wait presently.
We sink deep into Him, allowing Him to teach us a few more things here and there about this great miracle and preparing our hearts in so many ways (that we didn't even know we needed).
Always, we wait eternally.
Following this extremely long period of nesting, when our child is finally here, I will continue to wait on God year after year, until my children are grown and I am gray, learning as I go until the fulfillment of all of this present life's waiting comes to pass.
Be still.
"Sometimes the really profound moments of our lives occur 'in between' at that moment just before something happens: truth lurks in the moment between... the paradox is sometimes the fulfillment of that for which we wait robs us of what we were waiting for and that we discover to our surprise that the meaning is in the waiting and not in the fulfillment."
- The Meaning is in the Waiting
